You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Randomize
