I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
