Will you blow on my dice?
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
