piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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