Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
