We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
