there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Randomize
