if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
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Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
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I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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