You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
You pole danced in your parka.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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