you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
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