And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
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as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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