I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
So vagazzling was a success
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
