He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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