once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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