i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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