i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
