I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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