Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
