U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
