don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
