he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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