i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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