brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
