just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
