Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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