You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
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Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
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Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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