My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
