Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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