So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
