I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
