There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
How does one acquire holy water?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
