Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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