i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
