Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
