Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
