Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
