So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
