I accidentally burped into my bong.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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