Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
