Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
