I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
