glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I didn't notice because vodka
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
