Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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