Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
