So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
