I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
