I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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