btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
dude. I can hear the air.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
