TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
