it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
