Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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