party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
