Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
