xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
