In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
