I swear god or herbie drove my car home
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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