Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
