STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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