so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
My ATM looks so different sober.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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