I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
organizing the empties. That sober.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
